Edward The Unicorn and other Parodies
by TheAwesomestPrussia
Summary: Hmm...not so good at writing summaries, but here we go.   A parody of Charlie the Unicorn. I'll always be taking requests for new parodies. I'll update whenever I can.
1. Edward the Alchemist

**This is my second attempt at a story! This time, a parody! Well, more like a group of parodies. My first story didn't go too well so I'm going to try again! Please review! I'm likely going to do the rest of the Charlie the Unicorn series and the Llamas with Hats series. I also would like to hear suggestions for more parodies! Oh, and if I put Charlie in here, please, let me know so I can fix it, thank you!**

**A/N: I own nothing.**

Ed was sleeping happily when Envy came along. "Heeey, Edward! Hey Edward, wake up!" Just then, Wrath joined Envy. "Yeah, Edward! You silly sleepy head! Wake up!" "Ugh... Oh god, you guys." Ed groaned. "This had better be pretty frickin' important! Is Central on fire?" He demanded. "No, Edward! We found a map! To Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain, Edward!" Envy exclaimed. "Yeah, Edward! We're going to Candy Mountain!" Wrath echoed. "Come with us, Edward!" He suggested. "Yeah, Edward!" Envy agreed. ""It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure, Edward!" He decided to add. Ed replied after a short akward silence, "Yeah... Candy Mountain... right. I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now." "Nooooo!" cried Envy as he flew through the air and began jumping on Ed. "Edward! You have to come with us to candy mountain!" He demanded while continuing to jump. "Yeah, Edward! Candy Mountain! It's a land of sweets and joy...and joyness." Wrath added. "Please stop bouncing on me..." Ed groaned. "Candy Mountain, Edward!" Envy cried, still jumping. "Yeah, Candy Mountain!" Wrath echoed again. "Fine! I'll go with you to Candy Mountain!" Ed snapped at the two homunculi.

"La la la! la la la! La la la lala laa!" Envy and Wrath sang in unison while leading Ed through a forest. "Enough with the singing already!" Ed snapped, growing annoyed. "Our first stop is over there, Edward." Envy said. "Oh, God, what is THAT?" Ed asked as they stopped in front of a Leopleurodon sleeping on a rock. "It's a Leopleurodon, Edward." Envy replied. "A Magical Leopleurodon!" Wrath added, just so Ed might understand a little better. Of course, he wouldn't. "It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain!" Envy explained. "Alright, guys, you do know that there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?" Ed asked. "Shun the nonbeliever!" Envy said. "Shuun" "Shhhhhuuuun-a." The two homunculi began to say. "Yeah..." Was Ed's reply to thier immature behavior. Just then, the Leopleurodon began growling. "It has spoken!" Exclaimed Envy. "It has told us the waaaaay." Wrath said. "It didn't say anything!" Ed insisted.

"It's just over this bridge, Edward." Envy assured Ed. "This magical bridge! Of hope and wonder..." Wrath added, yet again. What is with this kid and adding random things to everything Envy says? "Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters?" Ed asked while looking at his feet. "Seriously guys, we shouldn't be on this thing." He pleaded. "Edward..."Envy said somewhat randomly."Edwaaaarrrrrd. Edwaaaarrrrrrrd. Edwaaa-" "I'm right here! What do you want?" Ed interrupted, half-fearing Envy would never stop if he didn't. "We're on a bridge, Edward!" Envy exclaimed as if it were some fantastic discovery.

"We're here!" Wrath exclaimed as the group approached a small mountain made of candy. "Well, what do you know, there actually is a Candy Mountain." Ed said. "Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain!" Envy began to say in a sing-song voice while doing weird flips in the air. "Fill me with sweet sugary goodness!" He continued, now kinda teleporting all over the place. "Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave, Edward!" Wrath urged. "Yeah, Edward! Go inside the cave! Magical wonders that'll behold when you enter." Envy urged as well. "Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks, I'm gonna stay out here." Ed declined. "But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Cave, Edward!" Wrath continued to urge. Suddenly, music began to play and Roa, dressed as a red C; Martel dressed as a red A; Dolcetto dressed as a red N; Bido dressed as a red D; and Kimbley dressed as a red Y appeared out of seemingly nowhere and Kimbley began to sing! "Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave! When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land; such a happy and joyful and perky, merry land! They've got lollipops and gumdrops and candy things. Oh so many things that will brighten up your day! It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town, it's the mecha of love: The Candy Cave!" Lights appeared and Envy,Wrath, and the chimeras began floating. "They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats! Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets! Ride the Candy Train to town and hear the candy band! Candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land! Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground! Turn around, it astounds! It's a dancing candy tree! In the Candy Cave imagination runs so free! So now Edward will you please go into the cave?" With that, Kimbley jumped into the group of chimeras and they all exploded. "Alright! Fine! I'll go into the freakin' Candy Cave. This had better be good." Ed grumbled as he walked towards the entrance.

"Yaaaa!" Envy and Wrath cried in unison as Ed entered the cave. "Goodbye, Edward!" Envy said. "Yeah, goodbye, Edward!" Wrath echoed. "Goodbye? What?" Ed asked as the cave closed. "Hey! What's going on here?" Ed called out into the darkness. "Hello?" He heard footsteps. "Who is that?" Later, Ed woke on the ground. "Ow...Gah... What happened?" he asked no one in particular. After a moment, he looked at his side. It was stitched up. "AW! THEY TOOK MY FREAKIN' KIDNEY!" He shouted angrily.


	2. Edward the Alchemist 2

**Hey guys! Here's my second chapter, as you can see. I'm trying to post a new chapter daily until I run out of ideas for new parodies. Also, I'm skipping a line everytime a different character talks because one review suggested it would be easier to read that way. Let me know if it's better this way or the way I did the first chapter. Still open for requests for parodies. Read and review!**

**A/N: I still own nothing!**

Ed was relaxing and watching his favorite show on T.V when Wrath and Envy floated through the air with scuba gear on and saying "Glub glub. Glub glub." Ed glared up at them. "Look over there! It's a coral reef!" Envy said, pretending to actually see one.

"Oh look, It's you guys... and you're floating..." Ed said somewhat disturbed by the fact that they were floating.

"Edward, we're scuba diving, Edward!" Envy exclaimed.

"We're exploring the depths of the ocean blue!" Wrath chimed.

"Oh no!" Envy suddenly cried. "Here comes a school of poisonous Foogoo fish!"

"Nooo!" Cried Wrath. "Foogoo!"

"Yeah, you gotta watch out for those." Ed said sarcastically, wishing the two homunculi would leave and let him watch T.V in peace. "So, uh, go away, I'm watching T.V." Just then a blue light shot out of his back.

"The vortex has opened!" Envy cried happily.

"Oh, God. Okay, what is this?" Ed asked, alarmed that a vortex had just opened up in his back. That sort of thing just isn't supposed to happen.

"Edward! We're being pulled into the vortex!" Envy cried, though he didn't seem anywhere near as worried as you think someone would be if they were being pulled into a vortex in someone's back.

"Swim away, Foogoo fish! Swim away!" Wrath cried while being pulled toward the vortex.

"Come on, now. You guys are freaking me out! Turn this thing off!" Ed was really getting freaked out by this.

"There's no stopping the vortex, Edward!" Envy said.

"Fooogooooo..." Wrath said as he and Envy were pulled into the vortex. Then it closed.

Ed just stared at his back for a moment before saying "Guys?" Nothing. "Guuys?" He thought for a moment. "Or girls, I'm really not sure what you two are..." Just then the vortex opened again.

"Edward!" Envy cried as his upper half appeared. He had an amulet in his hand. "Edward, I have the amulet!"

"What amulet? What's going on?" Ed demanded, more disturbed than before.

"The amulet, Edward! Th-the magical amulet! Sparkle Sparkle!" Envy cried. Just then, Wrath's upper half appeared as well.

"Sparkle!" Wrath repeated then disappeared.

"I don't understand what you're talking about!" Ed cried.

"The Ammuuullleeettt..." Envy said as he was pulled back into the vortex. Which then closed yet again. But instead of remaining closed, this time it immediatley reopened, and Envy and Wrath jumped out. Envy was now wearing the amulet.

"We did it!" Envy cried triumphantly.

"We got the amulet!" Said Wrath.

"Great! Now go away! I'm tired of the horrible things that when you're around!" Ed snapped.

"No, Edward." Envy said.

"No!" Wrath repeated as they began expanding. Suddenly they returned to normal size.

"We have to take the amulet to the banana king!" Envy explained.

"Oh, yes, the banana king. Of course." Ed said, certain he'd be dragged into another '"adventure". "Absolutely not!"

"But he's counting on us, Edward!" Wrath pleaded as he began to float again.

"If we don't get the amulet to the banana king the vortex will open and let out a thousand years of darkness!" Envy continued explaining.

"Nooo! Darkness!" Wrath exclaimed while continuing to float. As if on cue, the vortex reopened and tentacles appeared.

"Ah! Alright! Fine! I'll go! I'll go!" Ed yelled and the vortex and tentacles disappeared.

"Yay!" The two homunculi cheered.

"Darkness!" Wrath added for no apparent reason.

Envy and Wrath were now leading Ed through a forest when they began making obnoxious sounds. "Boolooloolooloo" "Boolooloolooloo" "Booloo" "Boolooloolooloo" Ed just glared at them, wishing they'd fall into a chasm or something equally fatal.

"What are you two doing?" he asked.

"Boolooloolooloolooloo" was Envy's reply. The two homuculi continued thier "game". "Booloolooloo"

"Stop that." Ed demanded. And they did. Well, aside from one last time from Envy. They approached a giant Z.

"Whoa! Look at that." Ed said.

"Z!" the homuculi exclaimed in unison.

"El hombre con es sombrero nos envio" Envy said to "Z".

"El nos contaba historias asombrosas!" Wrath said. "Z'' lit up and beeped. The two homunculi laughed.

"What?" Ed asked.

"Cenamos el tortugas esta noche!" Warth continued.

"Sera buenos, Z!" Envy cried. "Z" glowed red and shot a laser at Ed.

"Gah! What did you two do?" Ed demanded.

"Z!" The two homunculi cried in unison again.

"Soy feliz." Envy said and "Z" lit up and beeped again. The two homunculi laughed and resumed walking. "Z" glowed red again.

"Just keep walking, Edward. Keep walking." Ed said to himself as he followed.

"Hop on board the train, Edward." Envy said as they appraoched a giant shoe.

"It's gonna take us to the banana king!" Wrath added.

"I don't see any train." Ed pointed out. "All I see is a giant sneaker."

"It's the choo choo shoe, Edward!" Envy explained.

"The choo choo shoe!" Wrath exclaimed.

"Hurry, Edward, it's about to leave." Envy said as the homunculi walked towards it.

"Chugga chugga chugga chugga. Chugga chugga chugga chugga. Choo choo!" The homunculi said in unison. "Chugga chugga chugga chugga!" They began saying it faster. "Choo choo!"

"Yeah, and I forgot my boarding pass. I'll just walk." Ed said as he began to walk.

We're here, Edward! The temple of the banana king!" Wrath said as they appraoched a temple with bananas on each corner.

"Great. Let's leave the amulet and go home." Ed said. Just then, Scar came up from the ground and just stood in front of them.

"Who is that?" Ed asked. "No, no really. You guys see it, right?" Scar just continued standing there. "I gotta be honest, i'm getting creeped out here." Ed continued. "Somebody say something." He pleaded.

"Edward, you look quite down. With your big sad eyes and your big fat frown." Scar began singing. "The world doesn't have to be so grey! Edward,when your life's a mess, when you're feeling blue, always in distress. I know what can wash that sad away! All you have to do is... put a banana in your ear!"

"A banana in my ear?" Ed asked, confused.

"Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear. It's true." Scar continued.

"Says who?" Demanded Ed.

"So true." Scar continued, ignoring Ed's demand. "Once it's in your gloom will disappear, the bad in the world is hard to hear when in your ear a banana cheers, so go and put a banana in your ear." Then, bananas appeared and began singing with him. "Put a banana in your ear!"

"I'd rather keep my ear clear!" Ed said.

"You will never be happy if you live your life in fear." They continued. "It's true."

"Says you." Ed snapped back at them.

"So true. When it's in the skies are bright and clear. Oh, every day of every year the suns shines bright in this big blue sphere so go and put a banana in your eeeeeeeaaaaaarrrrr." The bananas disappeared and then Scar exploded.

"Oh of course, he burst into flames." Ed said sarcastically.

"Go forth, magical amulet!" Envy urged. "Return to the banana king!" The amulet floated into the sky and shone a light onto Ed. "Edward! You're the banana king!"

"What?" Ed demanded. "Hey! hey, hold on a minute!" He exclaimed as he began floating.

"You're the banana king,Edward!" said a banana that appeared on Ed's back.

"No, I'm not! That doesn't even make sense!" Ed insisted.

"All hail the banana king!" Envy cried.

"I'm not the banana king!" Ed insisted yet again.

"You ARE the banana king!" Envy continued.

"No,no! I'm-" Ed stopped.

"Banana banana!" More bananas appeared and began chanting. "Banana banana banana!" A crown appeared on Ed's head.

"I... I am the banana king..." Ed said.

"Yay!" Envy and Wrath cheered.

"You ARE the banana king!" The first banana said as the others disappeared.

"I'm the banana king! Yeah!" Ed said happily, not noticing everyone leave. When he looked back at the ground, everyone was gone. "Hey... where'd you go? Guys? Hello? Get me down from here!" he demanded. The light began flickering then went out causing Ed to fall to the ground. "Gah! Okay, that's a sprain..."

Ed began his trip home. "Hello?" he asked while walking throught the forest. "Hellooo? Guys?" He arrived home. "Where are you? Aw! Great! You gotta be- they robbed me!" All his stuff was gone. Just then, the vortex opened up in his back.

"Edward!" Envy cried as his upper half appeared.

"What? What do you want?" Ed snapped.

"...Boolooloolooloolooloo!" was all Envy said before disappearing back into the vortex and it closing.

**A/N: The Spanish section basically translates into "The man in the hat sent us. He told us amazing stories! Tonight we dine on turtles. Oh, how good they will be. I am happy."**

**Thanks for reading my story!**


	3. Edward the Alchemist 3

**Well, here's the 3rd Edward the Alchemist. These sure are fun to write. Now, I'm going to warn you here, the song near the end, I changed all the fish names into names of FMA people. It's up to you to decide whether to take it as a pairing or not.**

**A/N: As before, I own nothing. **

Ed was walking through a forest when he heard a faint "Edwaaard...".

"Hello? Someone there?" He asked.

"Edwaaaard..." It repeated.

"What? What do you want?" He asked the disembodied voice. He sighed and continued walking when nothing happened. Just then, a vortex appeared in front of him!

"Edward!" Wrath and Envy cried as they appeared from it wearing futuristic clothes.

"Augh!" Ed exclaimed. "Give me a heart attack, that's fine." he said sarcastically.

"We're from the future, Edward!" Envy said.

"Oh, I bet." Ed replied. He was tired of all their adventures and was hoping he wouldn't get dragged into another.

"The world is in peril!" Wrath explained.

"All that is good has been consumed by evil!" Envy added.

"The end is nigh!" Wrath said as the two homunculi's eyes and bodies began glowing. Then, a large purple fog appeared and Envy and Wrath were appearing in it saying "Nigh! Nigh!" and then they returned to normal.

"Yep, so that was the scariest thing I've ever seen." Ed told them.

"Come with us to the future!" Envy urged.

"We need your help to finish our snowman!" Wrath explained.

"Snowman? What are you going on about?" Ed asked, confused as to why a snowman would save the future. He was beginning to believe Wrath and Envy were making this stuff up.

"There's no time to explain!" Envy said.

"Grab onto our tongues!" Wrath cried.

"How do I-" Ed was cut off by Wrath and Envy sticking out their somehow super long tongues and putting them on him.

"Oh! That is so gross!" He exclaimed in disgust as they all disappeared with a flash of light.

They reappeared in apparently the same place but now Wrath and Envy were no longer wearing futuristic clothes.

"Edward we're here!" Envy cried.

"In the future!" Wrath added and blew on a noise maker he got from who-knows-where.

"This looks exactly the same!" Ed cried in annoyance.

"Shhh..." Envy said. "You'll wake the Umu!"

Ed looked at Envy in disbelief. "Umu?"

"We need to get to the river!" Wrath whispered.

"We gotta be sneaky!" Envy whispered as he and Wrath began floating and waving their legs like wet noodles.

"We gotta be sneaky, Edward!" Wrath echoed.

"Sneaky!" Envy repeated as if Ed didn't hear them the first two times.

"Yeah, there's no way I can do that with my legs." Ed said, trying to figure out how the heck they do this stuff.

"Oh no! Listen!" Cried Wrath suddenly as he and Envy returned to the ground.

"The Umu has awoken! Run!" Envy criede as he and Wrath began running.

"What do you- I don't hear anything." Ed said.

"Hurry!" Envy cried. "Look out for the Yom-Yoms!"

"They're everwhere!" Wrath cried as he looked around.

"What am I missing here?" Ed asked as he walked behind the two, easily keeping up with their running.

"Narslogs! Coming in from above!" Envy cried.

"Evasive maneuvers!" Wrath cried as he began floating.

"Edward! Look out for the Bleh-bleh-bleh!" Envy yelled to Ed.

"Ugh... can I go home yet?" Ed asked. Just then Envy and Wrath jumped into a large wooden duck boat in a river.

"Edward! Get on the duck!" Wrath urged.

"The Bleh-bleh-bleh are right behind us!" Envy cried.

"I think I'll take my chances with the Umus and the Wah-wahs." Ed told them, not wanting to go anywhere else with these two psychotic homunculi.

"Oh no! A Narslog has got Edward!" Wrath cried.

"Quickly! Grab onto our tongues!" Envy said as he and Wrath shot their tongues out and onto Ed.

"Aw! Oh, really? Again with the tongues?" He cried in disgust.

They floated downriver on the duck. Envy and Wrath decided to "call" each other.

"Ring ring." Envy pretended to be calling Wrath.

"Hello?" Wrath answered.

"Ring ring." Envy repeated. Ed glared at him.

"H-h-hello?" Wrath asked again as Ed glared at him now.

"Ring ring." Envy continued. Ed closed his eyes in annoyance.

"Helloooo?" Wrath repeated his question for the third time.

"Ring ring." Envy said yet again. Will this never end?

"H-hello?" Wrath asked once again.

"Ring ri-" Envy began.

"You have a bad connection!" Ed snapped at them.

"Time to go down below." Envy said, seemingly ignoring Ed.

"Into the liquid abyss!" Wrath exclaimed while looking at the water as the duck began diving.

"Oh my god! Hey! Hey! I can't swim!...or breathe underwater!" Ed yelled but the two homunculi ignored him.

"Ring ring." Envy began again.

"I'm serious!" Ed cried, fearing for his life now.

"Hellooo?" Wrath continued, ignoring Ed.

"Ring ring" Envy continued the monotonous game.

"What does this have to do with snowmen?" Ed cried looking fearfully at the water.

"Hello- bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh." Warth said as they went underwater.

"See Edward, look." Envy said, as they floated down, now underwater.

"This is where we've hidden the snowman." Wrath said as they landed on what appeared to be a fort.

"Yeah, to save the world, right?" Ed asked. "I'm not even gonna ask how I'm still alive, cuz you know what I think? I think I died long ago and you two are my eternal punishment."

After a moment, Envy replied, "You're like a constant downer, huh?"

They began walking through the fort. "To get to the snowman we first need to pass _The Door_." Wrath said.

"_The Door!_" envy echoed.

"The Door?" Ed repeated questioningly.

"_Th-The Door!_" Wrath repeated.

"What is The Door?" Ed asked.

"_The Door_ is everything." Envy replied.

"All that once was and all that will be!" Wrath continued Envy's explanation.

"_The Door_ controls Time and Space!" Envy continued where Wrath left off. All the while fog began surrounding The Door and it began floating eerily.

"Love and Death!" Wrath continued.

"_The Door_ can see into your mind!" Envy exclaimed.

"_The Door_ can see into your your _SOUL_!" Wrath exclaimed as his pupils shrank.

"Really?" Ed asked, staring at the door in amazement. "Th-The Door can do all that?"

"Heh, no." Wrath said, now normal again.

The group began walking again. "We're almost there, Edward. It's right at the end of this- Oh my god! It's a whale!" Envy exclaimed as he looked up.

"Noo! Whale!" Wrath cried as the shadow passed over them. Ed glared at the whale and then the two homunculi.

Envy began walking again. "Just a few more steps and we'll-Oh my god! It's a Narwhal!" He exclaimed.

"Noo! Narwhaaal!" Wrath cried as the Narwhal passed overhead. "Narwhal of Death!" he paused for a moment then said, "It's gonna kill us!" but he didn't look scared. In fact, he looked right cheerful. They watched it pass and then continued.

"It's right up ahead, now. You can see the- Oh my god it's a-" Envy was cut off by Ed.

"Stop it! I don't care about each and every sea creature you see!" He snapped.

"But Edward," Wrath said. "They care about _you_." Just then, music began playing and a light shone on Ed.

"Oh no. No. Noo! Nooo!" Ed screamed and floated up onto a pillar. Alex Armstrong floated up in front of him carried by balloons.

"When you're feeling all alone. The world's a drone. And nobody's shown any love to you." He began singing.

"I can't tell if you're adorable or creepy." Ed said.

Armstrong continued to sing. "When your heart is cold as stone. Just change your tone! Get rid of that groan and the world will too!"

"Probably gonna go with creepy." Ed concluded.

"Cuz Alphonse, he-" Armstrong cut off.

"Loves you." Al sang as he swam past.

"Havoc, he just-" Armstrong cut off again.

"Loves you." Havoc sang as he swam past Ed's face.

"Mustang-" This time, Armstrong was cut off by...

"I LOVE YOU!" Roy screamed as he got up in Ed's face then floated away.

"You know it's true." Armstrong continued singing. "Hohenheim, he-"

"Loves you." Hohenheim sang as he too swam past.

Armstrong continued. "Winry, she-"

"Loves you." Winry sang as even she swam past.

"Rose, she-" Armstrong was cut off again by Roy.

"MUSTANG REALLY LOVES YOU!" he screamed.

"In the ocean blue." Armstrong continued as if nothing happened.

Then Greed appeared and began rapping. "Lungfish, Blackfish, Alligator, Icefish. Armorhead, Hammerhead, Anaconda, Flathead. Manta Ray, Sting Ray, Fangtooth Moray, Goblin Shark, Grass Carp, Round River Bat Ray. Noodle Fish, Hag Fish, Man O' War, Lady Fish. Black Eel, Baby Seal, Sprat, Koi, Electric Eel. Lamprey, Pejerey, Yellow-Edged Moray. Salmon Shark, Sleeper Shark, Featherback and Eagle Ray."

"Well, you can ignore this plea, that's fine with me. But one day you'll see that my words are true." Armstrong began singing again.

"Please stop singing to me." Ed begged.

Armstrong ignored him. "For if you find that you agree, I guarantee that you will soon be feeling the love too!" He sang as a giant stone heart carried by balloons floated behind them.

"I can't wait." Ed said sarcastically.

"Cuz Alphonse, he-" Armstrong sang.

"Loves you." Al sang as he swam by again.

"Havoc, he just-" Armstrong's song is really getting old, don't you think?

"Loves you." Havoc also sang as he swam by a second time.

"Mustang, he-" Armstrong was cut off for the third time by Roy.

"I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER!" Roy screamed as he swam by.

"You know it's true." Armstrong continued again. "Hohenheim, he-"

"Loves you." Hohenheim sang.

"Winry, she-" Armstrong continued. Will his song never end?

"Loves you." She repeated as she swam by.

"Rose, she-" Roy cut Armstrong off again with...

"MUSTANG! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!" He screamed desperately.

"In the ocean bluuuuueeee!" Armstrong finished and disappeared in an explosion of sparkles.

"Oh, there goes everyone exploding." Ed said, unsurprised by explosions by now. He looked ahead and saw a snowman sitting on a short pillar. "Oh, hey, look at that. Hey guys! I found the snowman! What did you want me to do?" He asked. No reply. "Guys?" Just then, a green gas came up through the floor. 'What the- oh, sleeping gas!" He said as his vision blurred. "Of course, why did I expect any different?" He asked himself before passing out.

Ed awoke in a snowy place. "Oh..." he groaned. "Oh! Where am I?" he asked as he looked around. Then he noticed something missing. "Hey, what happened to my antennae?" Ahead of him sat the snowman. With his antennae. "Come on! Really? What did that accomplish? Why would-" he stopped as he looked down at the snowman's abdomen where he saw his kidney inside it. "Oh look, it's my kidney."


	4. Edward and The Pineapple

**Oh, I'm so sorry it took so long to update!**

**So, this is a new parody. Edward and the Pineapple. Enjoy!**

**A/N: I own nothing!**

Ed was walking down the street one fine day, just minding his business, when suddenly he heard, "Watch your step now, wouldn't want you to squish me!"

"What?" Ed asked. "Oh!" he said as he noticed Envy dressed in a pineapple suit. How'd he miss that?

"Don't be afraid!" Envy said. "I'm just a delicious pineapple! What's your name?"

"Edward." Ed said, disturbed that Envy was dressed as a pineapple.

"Well, nice to meet you Edward. I fell from the sky!" Envy explained. "Isn't that interesting?"

"You fell from the sky?" Ed asked.

"Lots of fruit falls from the sky!" Envy said. Just then, Greed, dressed as an orange, fell from the sky and landed by Envy.

"Hey guuuys!" Greed said happily.

"Hey Greed! This is Edward! he's real nice." Envy said to Greed.

"Hey Edward! I'm a delicious orange!" Greed exclaimed.

"Nice to meet you both..." Ed said. Just then, Wrath, dressed as a cucumber fell from the sky but when he hit the ground, he broke in half.

"Uh-oh! I split in two!" Wrath said, almost too happily.

"That's just bad luck, Wrath." Envy said.

"Are...are you okay?" Ed asked, bothered by the fact that Wrath was so happy even though he was broken in half.

"Probably not!" Wrath exclaimed. "I think I'm gonna die now! Bye guuuys!"

"Bye Wrath!" Greed said.

"Awww," Envy said. "You didn't to meet Edward. He's real nice."

"Hey Edward!" Wrath said. "Sorry I can't stay longer but I gotta go to heaven now! See y'all!" He then closed his eyes and died. Everyone stared at him for a minute.

"He's not going to heaven." Envy said as he glared at the corpse.

"Cucumbers have wicked souls." Greed agreed.

"I...should probably be heading off..." Ed said as he looked for a way to escape these psycho fruit-homunculi.

"Oh!" Envy exclaimed. "Why don't you take Wrath with you and make a nice salad?"

"Uh... no, thanks..." Ed said.

"Suit yourself! I bet he's delicious..." Envy said while giving Wrath's corpse a creepy look.

"I dunno, he kinda let himself go. He could be nasty." Greed said. Just then, Hughes, dressed as a papaya fell from the sky beside Envy and Greed.

"Hey guys!" He said happily. Envy and Greed just stared at him a moment.

"Why'd you even come here, Hughes? Nobody likes you." Envy said as he glared at Hughes.

"Awwww..." Hughes whined.


	5. Llamas with Hats Parody 1

**Hello again, my readers! Here's my next chapter! A Llamas with Hats Parody! Sadly, I couldn't think of a better name, so sorry about that. But please, Enjoy! And don't forget, I'm taking requests for new parodies!**

**A/N: Nothing has changed yet, and much to my diappointment, I still own nothing.**

Ed and Envy were standing inside Ed's house with Roy's corpse up against a wall and full of holes. "Envy!" Ed cried. "There is a dead colonel in my house!"

"Oh! Hey! How did he get here?" Envy asked.

"Eeennnvyyy..." Ed whined. "What did you do?"

"Me? What? I...I didn't do this!" Envy protested.

"Explain what happened, Envy!" Ed demanded.

"I've never seen him before in my life." Envy lied.

"Why did you kill this person, Envy?" Ed asked.

"I do not kill people." Envy said. "That is... that is my LEAST favorite thing to do."

"Tell me, Envy, exactly what you were doing before I got home." Ed demanded.

"All right," Envy began. "Well, I was upstairs..."

"Okay..." Ed said.

"I was, uh, I was sitting in your room." Envy continued explaining.

"Yes?" Ed asked.

"Reading a book..." Envy continued. Why was he in Ed's room reading a book? What was he reading?

"Go on..." Ed urged.

"And, uh, well, this guy walked in..." Envy continued.

"Okay..." Ed said again.

"So I went up to him..." Envy continued.

'Yes..." Ed said, becoming impatient.

"And I, uh, I stabbed him thirty-seven times in the chest." Envy concluded.

"Eeeeennnnvyyyy..." Ed groaned after a moment of disbelief. "That kills people!"

"Oh!" Envy cried. "Oh, Wow, I... I didn't know that..." Envy said.

"How could you not know that?" Ed cried.

"Yeah... I'm in the wrong here...I suck." Envy said.

Then Ed noticed Roy's hands were missing. "What happened to his hands?"

"What's that?" Envy asked as if he didn't understand.

"His hands." Ed repeated. "Why..why are they missing?"

"Well, I, uh, I kind of, uh, cooked them up and ate them." Envy replied.

Ed stared at him in disbelief. "Eeeennnvyyy..."

"Well, I..I was hungry!" Envy defended. "And, well, you know, when... when you crave hands, that's-"

Ed cut him off. "Why on earth would you do that?"

"Well I was hungry for hands!" Envy whined. "Give me a break!"

"Eeennnvyyy..." Ed groaned.

"My stomach was the rumblies." Emvy said.

"Envy!" Ed snapped.

"That only hands could satisfy!" He finished.

"What is wrong with you, Envy?" Ed demanded.

"Well, I..I kill people and eat hands. That's two things." Envy answered.


	6. Llamas with Hats Parody 2

**Hello my readers! I'm sorry it's taken so long to update, but I've been so busy with homework and studying and all that stuff that nobody likes doing. Believe me, I'd rather have been updating this.**

**So, This is Llamas with Hats 2, of course. I wasn't going to put Llamas with Hats 3 after Llamas with Hats 1. That'd be confusing!**

**A/N: I don't own FMA or Llamas with Hats but I DO own this flower. And what a lovely flower it is.**

Ed and Envy were standing in a yellow lifeboat with a cruise ship sinking in the background. "Envy! What on earth was all that?" Ed demanded.

"I'm not sure what you're referring to." Envy said, playing dumb.

"You sunk an entire cruise ship, Envy!" Ed cried.

"Are you sure that was me?" Envy asked. "I. . . I would think I would remember something like that."

"Envy, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face!" Ed said. Why didn't he stop him, then?

"That sounds dangerous." Envy replied, stating the obvious.

"You were headbutting children off the side of the ship!" Ed cried.

"That, uh, that must have been horrible to watch." Envy said.

"And then you started making out with the ice sculptures!" Ed cried, trying to make Envy understand the monstrosity of his behavior.

"Thank God that the children weren't on board to see it!" Envy said, totally missing Ed's point.

Ed suddenly noticed the lifeboat was all red and sticky. "Uh... Envy... why is the lifeboat all red and sticky?" He asked.

"Well, I guess you could say it is red and sticky." Envy said, as if just now noticing it.

"Envy... what are we standing in?" Ed asked.

"Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?" Envy asked.

"No! I would not believe that!" Ed snapped.

"Uh... Melted gumdrops?" Envy tried again.

"No." Ed said.

"Boat nectar." Envy was running out of ideas.

"No." Ed said again.

"Some of God's tears?" Envy tried one last time.

"Tell me the truth, Envy!" Ed demanded.

"Oh, fine." Envy gave up. "It's the lovely elderly couple from 2B."

"Eenvyyy. . . " Ed groaned.

"Well, they, uh, they were taking all the crescent rolls." Envy said in his defense.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" Ed cried.

"I will not apologize for art." Envy said.

Suddenly, Ed noticed that they were in the only lifeboat around. "Where are the other lifeboats?" He asked.

"Whoa! You won the prize." Envy said acting surprised. "I didn't even notice that."

"Where are the other lifeboats, Envy?" Ed demanded.

"Looking at the trajectory of the moon and the sun, probably at the bottom of the ocean. I bit lots of holes in them." Envy confessed.

"Eeennvvyyy!" Ed said in disbelief.

"I have a problem. I have a serious problem." Envy admitted.

"You are just... terrible today." Ed said.

"Shhh..." Envy shushed Ed. "Do you hear that?" They were both quiet for a minute. "That's the sound of forgiveness."

"That's the sound of people drwoning, Envy." Ed said.

"That is what forgiveness sounds like." Envy replied. "Screaming and then silence."


	7. Llamas with Hats Parody 3

**Hey again readers! This is a Llamas with Hats 3 parody. Read and review. **

**A/N: Still own just my flower, not FMA or Llamas with Hats.**

Ed and Envy were standing in front of the ruins of Ishval. It was currently burning. "Envy!" Ed cried. "We're supposed to be on vacation!"

"I don't know about you, but I'm having a wonderful time here." Envy said.

"You toppled the Ishvalan government, Envy!" Ed cried.

"The people have spoken." Envy said. "Viva la resistance!"

"You pushed the resistance leader into a giant vat!" Ed said.

"He was a traitor and a scoudrel." Envy replied.

"He was trying to stop you from pushing other people into a giant vat." Ed explained.

Just then, a foot kicked from inside Envy. "Whoa..." He said. "That was a foot. I appear to have swallowed an entire person!"

"That would be the hotel bartender." Ed said.

"Well, that explains why my mohito is taking so long." Envy realized.

"It was horrifying!" Ed cried. "Your mouth unhinged like a snake!"

"Wow!" Envy exclaimed. "That sounds pretty awesome!"

"I can't go anywhere with you, Envy!" Ed cried.

"That hurt my feelings..." Envy said sadly. "Now we're both in the wrong."

"I wanna go home. We're leaving." Ed stated.

"Well, in that case, I should probably mention that I filled our luggage with Ishvalan meat." Envy told Ed.

"What?" Ed demanded.

"Well, I'm building a meat drag and not just any meat will do." Envy explained.

"You know what?" Ed began. "Forget it! I'm not even shocked anymore."

"Aww..." Envy whined. "That's no fun!"

"This has become the norm for you, Envy." Ed said.

"I'll have to try harder next time." Envy said with a determined look.

"Please don't." Ed begged.

"I feel like I've been issued a challenge." Envy said.

"Eeenvyyy!" Ed whined.

"It's too late now!" Envy exclaimed. "...You." He added after a moment.

"You?" Ed asked confused.

"I totally don't remember your name." Envy said.

"We've known each other for three years, Envy!" Ed cried.

"And what an impression you've made!" Envy said.

"My name is Ed." Ed told him.

"What?" Envy asked.

"I said my name is Ed." Ed repeated.

"Oh!" Envy exclaimed. "I thought you were a woman!"

"Why would you think that?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"Mostly the braid." Envy said. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Ed said.

"Well..." Envy began. "If you'll excuse me, I have some pictures to delete from my computer." He said as he began walking away.


	8. Llamas with Hats Parody 4

**Hey guys! I never got any suggestions for other parodies and I don't have any others in mind so this will be the last one. I hope you enjoy it and have enjoyed the rest of them!**

**Read and Review!**

**A/N:I lost my flower... Now I own nothing again.**

Ed and Envy were standing in Ed's house in Amestris. Envy had just tracked mud all over the newly cleaned carpet. "Envy!" Ed cried. "You've tracked mud all over the carpet!"

"Now that right there's a mess." Envy said while looking at the mud.

"I just had it cleaned yesterday, Envy!" Ed exclaimed.

"I'm not responsible for this!" Envy said. "I've been jamming on the saxophone all morning!"

"They're clearly your foot prints, Envy." Ed said in annoyance.

"Then there's an imposter on the loose!" Envy cried.

"They lead directly to you!" Ed exclaimed.

"Clue number one, the imposter is a phantom..." Envy said as if thinking of all the phantoms he knew.

"Envy, stop avoiding-" Suddenly, the wall exploded revealing all of Central in ruins with a mushroom cloud. Ed just looked around in disbelief for a moment. "Eeeennnvyyyy..." He groaned.

"Happy Birthday!" Envy exclaimed cheerfully.

"It's not- please tell me you had nothing to do with this." Ed pleaded.

"Why don't you blow out your candle?" Envy suggested, reffering to the mushroom cloud.

"You've gone too far this time, Envy!" Ed cried, now somewhat worried for his own safety.

"What's that?" Envy asked. "It's hard to hear you over the sound of melting city!"

"How'd you even do this?" Ed asked, looking at the destruction.

"A dollop of fairy dust." Envy stated matter-of-factly.

"Envy..." Ed said.

"I ripped the tag off a mattress." Envy said with a serious face.

"This isn't funny, Envy!" Ed cried.

"Who's laughing?" Envy asked. "Clearly not all the people who just exploded."

"I'm leaving! I've had enough of this!" Ed said.

"But think of all the perfectly roasted faces we get to munch on now!" Envy exclaimed.

"What? Why?" Ed asked.

"Because we're friends. And friendship is two pals munching on a well-cooked face together." Envy said as if Ed should know that.

"That's not friendship, Envy. That's sick!" Ed exclaimed.

"Well then, you're probably not gonna like your birthday decorations..." Envy said.

"It's not even my-" Ed stopped as he looked up. Floating by tied to balloons were faces. Human faces. "Oh my god..."

"Surprise!" Envy cried.

Ed groaned. "No..."

"I'm sorry. I thought you liked faces." Envy said apologetically. "Obviously there's a miscommunication."

"This is awful, Envy." Ed groaned.

"You're right." Envy agreed. "It's not nearly as tasteful as I pictured it in my head."

"I think I'm gonna throw- Oh god! One touched me!" Ed cried.

"This was clearly the wrong way to go." Envy said looking at the 'Decorations'.

"You think, Envy?" Ed asked sarcastically.

"What can I say?" Envy asked. "I expected them to be cooked more. Raw face is just gross."

That isn't the problem, Envy!" Ed cried. "Why would you think any of this is a good idea?"

"Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence." Envy stated.

"Oh." Was all Ed had to say to that.

"I don't understand how you keep forgetting that." Envy said in disappointment.


	9. Epilogue

**I decided to add just a little more. I just couldn't leave you guys hanging with that last parody, so here's one more thing.**

**A/N:Don't own anything. Except my brain... hopefully I won't lose that like I did with the flower...**

Ed goes up to Envy who's just kinda standing around. "Envy!" He cries as he grabs the front of his shirt. "Why are you doing this? Who is paying you to torture me like this?"

Envy looked down at Ed. "Kimbley."

"What's he paying you? I'll pay double..no, triple, if you'll just stop!" Ed cried.

Envy thought for a moment. "He's paying me 50 bucks."

Ed dug around in his pockets for a moment before pulling out 150 dollars. "Here! Just leave me alone!"

"Thanks, but you really didn't have to pay me. I was gonna leave you alone anyways. I don't have anything else to do." Envy said as he walked away with the money.

Ed just looked at Envy then fell to his knees and began sobbing. "Why me...?"


End file.
